Self-Love by Rebecca Sy

 I’m not good enough. I’ll never be as pretty, smart, or good enough as her. Maybe I’m just screwed for life. Why can’t I be like them? 

Heard this before? 


This is your inner voice talking. The one that feeds into your negative thoughts and makes you even more insecure the louder it gets. I know many people, including myself, have struggled and continue to struggle with self-love, as we have this urge to compare ourselves to our peers, friends, family members, and maybe even people across the world we don’t even know. Most of the time, we feel like we never measure up and end up feeling useless and unworthy. 


Why is it so hard to rid ourselves of this negativity and constant cycle of comparison?


One of the reasons is because we are constantly surrounded and being influenced by multiple different sources and environments that we cannot control. And that’s okay; we don’t have to control it. What we can focus on is how we react and respond to these sources and environments. We can practice recognizing the source and observing how it makes us feel. For example, a while back, I noticed that after seeing many “picture perfect” posts on instagram of my classmates at the beach, I started to feel more insecure about my body and yet, I continued to scroll—as if that would make everything better. The more I scrolled, the more I began to have all of these negative thoughts about myself and body. If this source/environment does not bring you any source of joy, evokes more insecurity, and does not help you in any way, try to remove yourself from it or limit the amount of time you are surrounded by it. It may require some time and practice, but trust me, it is so worth it and can help to decrease the amount of times we compare ourselves to others. When I find myself excessively scrolling and feeling down, I try to distract myself to pull myself away from a negative environment. My go-to solution is to grab my journal and start writing about how I feel and the things that I admire about myself. Of course, it is completely normal if we occasionally compare ourselves; a little competition and comparison can be good for success. However, we want to try to limit excessive comparison, as it hinders us from realizing our true beauty and potential. 


Self-love actually develops from self-acceptance; you don’t have to initially start loving yourself. There is nothing wrong with your body the way it is now. There is nothing wrong with needing more time to learn a subject. There is nothing wrong with having scars, acne, or asymmetry on your face. There is nothing wrong if you overeat one night at a restaurant. There is nothing wrong with having imperfections and flaws. We must try to realize that photos and videos displayed through media are edited or scripted in some way, so that they appear “picture perfect”. There appears to be no mistakes, no imperfections, no struggles, no failure—just the final and polished product. I believe that in order to develop self-love, we must develop self-acceptance by realizing that we will never be perfect, despite what we see on our screens. When we let go of perfectionism and embrace imperfection, we are free to make mistakes and free to be truest ourselves.


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