Seasons

 People come, people go, and people change.

For this blog, I will refer to this as “seasons” because as time progresses, people change, just like seasons. 

Quite frequently, people say that this is good because the true friends stay. For many people, this is true and they are able to maintain healthy relationships. Once someone leaves, it is easy to label them as a selfish or toxic person. However, there are some seasons in which both of you changed or you realized that you formed a temporary relationship because of the situation.

One of the most common seasons is gaining acquaintances. For example, you join a sports team and once the league ends, you no longer interact with the teammates. This is an example of a temporary relationship because you regularly practiced and played with them but only interacted with them during those times. As a result, it ended because there was no external interaction and you never got to know them well.

Another common season is a change of interests or values, which would naturally eliminate commonalities with the other person.

However, there are some benefits to experiencing these “seasons” because you were able to widen your circle and reflect on your interests or what kind of social circle is healthiest for you. 

If you are curious as to why a season changed, it is recommended that you apply introspection to help you assess the relationship and recognize any events or behaviours that potentially led to the relationship ending.

What is introspection?

Introspection addresses that the individual does not have entire access to their behaviour and how it is impacting their environment. As a result, the individual is often inaccurate during self-assessment. Considering this, it is important to have an outside perspective, even though it might be difficult to accept your true assessment.

Introspection is especially helpful in the context of a one-sided relationship, which means that you were only initiating contact. Perhaps you made them feel uncomfortable or you were unaware that they actually wanted to leave the friendship. Overall, introspection is useful for understanding your behaviour in a relationship and how you could correct it in order to gather healthier relationships. 

But What if it was Them?

You may be aware that your former friend or partner’s behaviour was destroying the relationship. Sometimes, the other person becomes toxic. This could be due to a conflict of interest or an argument, and rather than rationally communicating their feelings, they become passive aggressive. Other times, you realize that they become manipulative and only reach out when they want something. 

If you are noticing this, remember that it is OK to leave, especially if it is negatively impacting your mental health. However, try to be rational when you approach the other and try to provide closure. The best way to provide closure is to clearly state why you want to leave, and then follow through with your reasoning. Although this might be hurtful because you lost a relationship, remember that you should prioritize your mental health. 

What should I do when “seasons” change? 

If need be, take time to mourn the loss of the relationship. For some, it's cutting ties on social media, texting, or face-to-face interactions. All in all, it can feel better to take time to reflect instead of investing more energy into them.  

Think of it as light at the end of the tunnel and perhaps you can take time to explore your interests and find someone who you naturally “click” with. 

Overall, keep in mind that seasons will change and that finding and keeping good relationships takes time and practice. In addition, be mindful of your own behaviour and recognize anything that could become toxic. After all, a relationship should be reciprocal and not forced.