Self-Comparison by Paul Zhong

 Hi, my name is Paul. I am an undergraduate in UBC who’s also trying to pen a novel, and you will soon find out how that’s panning out.

Comparing self to others is tantalizing. We want to feel a sense of accomplishment by comparing ourselves with others——an attempt to reassure ourselves that we are doing fine. The result is often disappointing. As to no one’s surprise, people only present their good side to the public.

Social media bombards you with people having more than you, being more successful than you, being more in love than you? The point is everyone seems to be living their fullest life, while you read your phone alone at home.

I rarely use social media, but I still had my fair share of self-comparison. I read online articles and novels for enjoyment and practice (I want to write a novel). As I scroll through blocks of highly polished writings, I sometimes feel the need to close the window and open my work in progress. In comparison, my sentences are insufferable, making me wonder if I am capable of writing.

I often remind myself of the nature of writing: first drafts do not spawn lustrous sentences. It takes several cycles of editing to produce a palatable piece. But the looming sense of incompetence still haunted me. 

To combat self-comparison, I find exploring its inner working is helpful. Here’s what I have gathered.

Assumptions

Assumptions are an essential cog of self-comparison. 

When we look at an accomplishment, it is easy to lose sight of what built up to it. News articles call rising artists’ new smash hit an “overnight success.” In reality, a complex amalgam of hard work, inspiration and life experience paved the artist’s road for success.  

There is no real way for us to find out the process that leads to the result, and so we assume. We assume others had the same starting line as ours. We think that others did not struggle as much. 

Talent =/= Character

Modern culture confuses talent with character, a common misconception that contributes to the damaging properties of self-comparison. 

Skillful individuals are highly esteemed because they contribute something meaningful to our society. They deserve praise for their work. But do not draw an equals sign between their talent and their character. 

We confuse their high social status with admirable traits. When in truth, they are not saints. Your work does not define you as a person. 

We should not measure our own nor others’ worth as a person through their contribution to society.

Can’t Please Everyone

Comparing ourselves with others is also part of our effort to conform. We like to know if others have tread our path to confirm we are not going in the wrong direction. Being an outlier is scary——what if no one accepts me? What if I am wasting my time? These fears stop me from writing anything original. I would tell myself that an idea is stupid before they even fully form. 

When any work finds itself in the merciless judging eyes of the public, there will be negative voices, some ruder than others. No matter what you create, someone will disagree with it. 

I wonder why I still stumble in this pitfall of self-comparison despite my experience. Even as I am writing this draft, I am becoming anxious, but I am improving, and I hope what I wrote here is at least a bit helpful. To wrap it up, I will say this: Sometimes, it pays to be self-absorbed. At the end of the day, your thoughts and opinions matter the most.